Struggling Art Student

I have had a tough and unproductive week in oil painting. I'm not sure Brenda will believe me but I really have painted every day for atleast an hour - usually 2 - except for yesterday when I just blew everything off. I took most of the day to cook with my 8 year old son - subject for a different blog - but it was the stuff the good life is made of...
Tonight I decided if I didn't make some visible progress in painting then I might as well hang it up for a while. One thing I knew I couldn't face again was that danged black and grey paint. If you've ever been into any spaces I inhabit/work in you know I am all about the color of life. The relationships of colors to light and spaces and the emotions they evoke. I look back at my kitten painting and have decided to name it "Shades of Death - Kitten". The lifeless blue that the black becomes when mixed with the white overwhelmingly reminds me of death and just flat out depresses me.
So the little rebel in me used a burnt sienna tonight. And once again I had fun. All week before this I had drawn with the deathly grey paint and wiped it off, drawn again....cried a bit...drank a little wine....wiped it off...it never felt right.
And once again my drawing in sienna is off - but I don't care. It felt right this time. I'm too old to spend my evenings suffering over ugly paint. Next week we are suppossed to get to break out the tubes of color. YIPPEE!